pinoypsychopath

Start of summer vacation

pinoypsychopath — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 11:17:44 +0000

Wow! Tomorrow I’m gonna go to Zambales and go to the best part of my vacation. I’m still gonna study there. And also take pictures! Pictures that I will edit on Photoshop. Yes! I will bring Adobe Photoshop and Dreamweaver with me. Along with my PHP and JavaScript tutorial. My next blog will be after this. Bye readers! If there are any.

sigh

pinoypsychopath — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 13:49:58 +0000

(NOTE: Don’t let Aiza read this)
I more than did not just go on her birthday. I never greeted her. Not via text. Not via Facebook. As in never. That was the whole plan. That was what I was supposed to do. And I did it. Starting tomorrow I’m going to be feel worry free, satisfied, content and free….
…but sad. So let me take out all my frustrations here in this blog post. Call me “bitter” because I am. But this will be my last “bitterness”.
I never really want to do what I did. I’m not saying I’m regretting what I did. For me it was the right thing to do. It’s just that in the first place I knew I will feel like this at this point. Feel sad. Feel bad. Feel angry about myself. But what can I do? I don’t want to get hurt anymore. Last time I got hurt it broke me, devastated me and made me the lonely person that I am and I don’t want that to happen again to me. Every time I see her and her boyfriend I’m hurting like hell. I told her I was going to take her seriously when 2011 started. Before 2011 started I saw her betrayal. She had this picture with that guy. He was not her boyfriend back then. First time we met at school in 2011 she touched my face while looking at him. Then it became clearer. They are a couple already. I never really understand why she was keeping it a secret from me and why the guy was going along with it. Is it because I might get angry then I won’t help her at school anymore or she wants another boyfriend or maybe the one I was hoping for: It’s me she loves and not her boyfriend. Well that kept me hoping. Then the look eye to eye. I asked her what it meant. She said “figure it out”. So I thought of 3 possible meanings:
1) I never really love you but I hope this look will keep you loving me and help me with my study.
2)It’s your fault I left you.
and the one that kept me hoping
3)It’s you I love so don’t give up.
She even asked me to wait. I can wait. I’m good at it. I’ve been waiting for years now. But one waiting I can’t do is wait in a painful place. So I am not waiting anymore. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now. I even gave that advice to another friend “Don’t wait if you are waiting in a painful place”. Before the semester ended I’ve been telling her Advanced Happy Birthday. Don’t know if she took it seriously. But I was serious. And now is the day. I know I did the right thing.<==Brain part
Now I’m sad because I made her sad. I don’t know if she love me but I do know she care. That fact that she know that I do care for her, that she know that I do genuinely care for her. She cared. And I’m 99% sure it’s genuine as well. Maybe she thought it was love. So she gave me hopes. But me I don’t just care for her. I love her. Love her very very very much. So much that even if she was never my girlfriend I’m more in love with her that the first girl that hurt me. That is how I love her so much. That much love equals this much sadness. I know she is happy right now. She has her boyfriend to take care of her. I have no one to take care of me. Well no one yet but I know I’m going to find someone someday. But now I’m sure it is not her.
I know what I did was wrong. But what is stopping me from greeting her here. She does not know about this blog.
Aiza, Happy Birthday and for the last time I love you. Thank you and I promise I will always care about you.
I know I did the right thing.<==Heart part

Mixed Emotions

pinoypsychopath — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:21:22 +0000

OK! This is the day. Her birthday. I’m confused. Heart wants: “I get hurt but I make her happy” while brain wants: “I don’t get hurt but I make her sad”. Brain is wise while heart is a coward. Obviously the brain got the upper-hand (if brain got a hand). But still somewhere deep within the brain itself is saying this is once a year only then tells itself that this is exactly the exact time to do it. What “it”? Make her angry so she would stop giving you hope when it is a fact that it is hopeless. Damn I’m confused. I guess i’ll just have to stick to the plan.

I got busy last night sleeping.

pinoypsychopath — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 13:30:59 +0000

I got busy last night sleeping and got a great idea for a logo. I made it using Photoshop but I was not content with the output. It is simple and it is very appropriate but it is not timeless because it was a little too simple. Bottom-line is I need another night to think of what to do and make it timeless.

New logo for pest summit and update on my love life

pinoypsychopath — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 14:03:30 +0000

I started working back on the Pest Summit Webpage. The presentation will be on April 6. Same day of my sister’s arrival from Kuwait. The presentation will be 12 noon while my sister’s arrival will be 5:45PM. Here is the logo that I made from Photoshop.

Well, not exactly the logo. I’m still thinking of the actual logo. I usually get a good idea every night. I hope I get a great one tonight.
I also need an idea to promote the Philippines. I’m gonna be busy sleeping tonight.
Also, the girl that I love but not mine and decided I don’t want her anymore invited me on her birthday. Well I turned her down. For selfish reasons. Because I don’t want to get hurt anymore. What was she thinking inviting me anyway? She knows I’ll just get hurt seeing her and her boyfriend there. Why is she giving me hopes? She keep saying her friend that she doesn’t want to hurt me. Doesn’t she know that if she just destroy all my hopes for her I would hurt less? What does she want? Another boyfriend? Well don’t look at me. I’m looking for a girl who will never hurt me, and as long she as doesn’t hurt and cares for me I will do everything for her. And of-course as long as she is not ugly …you know… appearance counts.

Learning Experience

pinoypsychopath — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 13:23:26 +0000

I decided to put a new category called “Learning Experience” This is where I include all my…
…well…
…Learning Experiences and just put in the category what I was able to do or “Finished product” in categories like Adobe Photoshop, Visual Basic, Adobe Dreamweaver etc. So here is the first part of it:
Today, I learned a bit of JavaScript. Just a little bit thanks to the distraction of Plants vs. Zombies. Well I did break my record with 59 flags in survival endless. My tree of wisdom is now 250 feet. 750 feet more for me to stop playing that game and go on with my self-study. Although what I’ve learned in JavaScript was pretty useful. I’m not going to post what it is because it’s a noob thing. Something I should have learned long time ago.
I’m going to love learning JavaScript!

First Day of Summer Vacation

pinoypsychopath — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 13:24:02 +0000

Well. I went to my Auntie, she is a little bit fine. But there is still the fact that she my get a a seizure anytime. When I saw her, her body was so thin. When she saw me, she cried I almost did as well. But I immediately change the atmosphere and she stopped crying (A natural talent of mine). I only stayed there for like three hours.
When I got back home I studied PHP. Turns out I need to learn javascript first but I decided to begin from the start, back to XHTML. Damn! I missed so much at school. School really is the second worst place to learn. Well, I’m from a country where a college degree is important so I’ll still try to graduate, for credibility to some.

End of School, Start of a New Beginning for me (Sad Beginning)

pinoypsychopath — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 13:49:29 +0000

End of School, Start of New Beginning! The school semester ended today with… …Well… endings. End of my love life to someone and another one; me, ending her love life for me (I hope). No more projects. I am also a reservist for my country now. As for the learning this summer part. I’ll think of where to start the learning experience. But tomorrow, I’ll be going to my sick Auntie. Or should I say dying Auntie. The doctor said that she may leave us anytime soon. She is one of my favourite auntie. We always talk, she is really proud of me and considers me as one of her favourite nephew. I’ve known the fact that she is dying for some time now but I’m too afraid to see what she looks right now. But I have to go. The “I’m busy at school.” excuse is unacceptable now. I know she really wants to see me. I’ll try not to cry tomorrow.

Last 2 Days of School

pinoypsychopath — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 13:14:45 +0000

OK! The Speech class turned out great. I got 95 for the composition and 84 for the delivery. I got the highest score in the composition and there are 3 of us getting 84 as highest in delivery. Only 2 days of school left. After that, summer time! My plans for summer: 33 percent vacation and 64 percent learning. I will also go on a diet like Ive never dieted before. I’m getting fat doing projects for myself and for others. On vacation, I’ll go take lots of pictures. I’ll pretend to be a photographer. I’ll post my best shots here on my blog. On learning, I’ll try learning flash, more on Java, PHP and javascript. I’ll also post my progress on things I will learn as an open source believer. Up to you readers if you want to view my blog or not.

Long Night Tonight

pinoypsychopath — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 12:36:20 +0000

I’m about to finish my State of the Nation Address for my speech class tomorrow. Gonna spend some extra time with it tonight. I hope it turns out nice. I also have to be super formal tomorrow and wear our national dress. Not gonna do much computer jobs tonight. I did check my farmville and restaurant city on facebook awhile ago. And also made my all time high on Plants vs Zombies-Survival with 51 flags. Last record was 41.